Anything he can get

Two drunk males on Linden Ave. Wednesday night:

Male 1: Dude, I don't think she even wants to talk to you, she's on the phone.

Male 2: But she has a vaginaaaa!

Hey, at least he's honest, right?

Heard on Eddy St.

Girl: Well, maybe you could apply to be the next Sun sex columnist, since I think Jeff graduates this year.

Guy: Well, if I was gonna write it, it would have to be a roofies column.

Now that's dedication

Guy 1: Dude, I woke up at 10:50 today for my 11:40 class.

Guy 2: How did you manage to smoke, jerk off, and walk to campus in 50 minutes?

Unfortunate Pairing

Boy 1: What's your net id?

Girl: V D ...

Boy 2: HAHAHA vd!

Girl: You're the only one who finds that funny

Boy 2: I think it's hysterical that your net i.d. is "VD." HAHAHAHA, get it?!

Kindergarten Skills 101

At the Palms

Bouncer: [looks at ID] What's your zip code?

Drunk girl: Umm is that the thing that comes before the telephone number?

These boots were made for walkin'

Guy at the gym: There's no masculine way to do the stepper is there?

Girl Fitness Monitor (Pitifully): No.

Get your mind out of the gutter

In Kroch Library:

Girl: I'm having fun in the Kroch.

Boy: You're having fun in your crotch?

His Stats professor would be proud

Two males walking outside of Statler

Guy: Dude, he was so close. He was on track to hooking up with 7% of our class.