Virgo (August 23 — September 22): This week, your mood will change as many times as a model in Milan at a fashion show (that means a lot for you CS majors).

Libra (September 22 — October 22): Lately, you have been doubting brillance. But after seeing the print ad to Conan, you believe again.

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): This week, someone will turn your head around so it faces forward. Expect a serious crink in your neck.

Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): This week, you’ll finally get that 6th punch in your coffee card. Hooray for free coffee!

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, you think that Sonny Corleone is gone, but he just went to go get his firearm (please tell me you know The Godfather...).

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): Lately, you have been more confusing than a grammatically incorrect fortune cookie.  Make sense!

Pisces (February 19 — March 20): This week, you will take off your super hero mask and expose your true identity. This will lead to some unexpected results.

Aries (March 21 — April 19): Your love affair with the icecream sandwhich has people shouting “Then why don’t you marry an icecream sandwhich!”

Taurus (April 20 — May 20): Lately, people have been looking at you like you got a bad hair cut. If you did get a bad hair cut, it’s all your fault.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20): This week is not your week to go swimming with the sharks. Mainly this is because of all the class time you’d be missing to go do so.

Cancer (June 21 — July 22): This week, you will ponder your life choices, only to give up and go play hopscotch.

Leo (July 22 — August 22): Lately, you feel like every time you accomplish a task, you forget to hit the “save” button.