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DiscussAnother year, another milestone, another night of shameless self-congratulation at the Oscars. If you had three hours and change to spare Sunday night — and what working-class American with kids to feed and bills to pay and work to wake up for doesn’t? — you would have seen Katherine Bigelow, director of the best-picture-winning film, The Hurt Locker, become the first woman to take home the award for best director. Kudos to Katherine, who made an awesome movie, but let’s make sure we recognize the real forward-thinking people here … the Academy, duh! I swear, if these guys ran the world, we’d be electing black presidents every single day.
In all seriousness, why does Hollywood feel the need to dub at least one Oscar moment a year a landmark achievement for the human race? I know this crowd is easy to pick on — Barbara Streisand, anyone? — but you’ve gotta believe a bit of sober, clear-eyed perspective would at least help tone down the histrionics. Here I have in mind Mo’Nique, who won best supporting actress for her role in Precious. I haven’t seen the movie, and I’ve heard her performance was phenomenal, so perhaps I’d be wise to withhold my judgment — but I have to say her acceptance speech seemed a bit grandiose for the occasion. In it, she thanked her husband “for showing me that sometimes you have to forgo doing what’s popular for doing what’s right.”
True, well said, that’s a great — wait, are we talking about the same Mo’Nique here? The stand-up comedian? The one from UPN’s The Parkers? Whose previous film roles include Jazmin Biltmore in Phat Girlz and Peaches in Hair Show? Can someone tell me how this qualifies as sacrificing for your art?
In any event, in case your Sunday night didn’t involve Neil Patrick Harris prancing around in a sequined suit, here’s a smattering of what you missed.
Funniest Moment: Ben Stiller as a Na’vi
Sunday was not a good night for James Cameron. Dude had to sit helpless as 1) his film, Avatar — ever heard of it? — got shut out in all the major award categories, 2) his ex-wife (Bigelow) cleaned up in those very same categories and 3) multiple presenters made jokes at Avatar’s expense.
By far the best of the gags was Ben Stiller’s appearance as one of Avatar’s Na’vi people. Aside from being hilarious, the spot proved how absurd the whole movie becomes when taken out of context and viewed in anything other than skull-rattling 3D and high-definition. Stiller — face painted blue, eyes blazing orange, tail trailing behind — made wisecracks and spoke a play on the Na’vi language. The jokes were good, but even if they had sucked, the skit still would have worked. We’re talking about nine-foot tall, tongue clicking blue aliens protecting their home planet of Pandora from pillagers seeking a natural resource called unobtanium — the punch line’s built in here.
Best Tribute to a Spouse During an Acceptance Speech: “I love you more than rainbows, baby” — Ryan Bingham (Best Song, Crazy Heart)
Bingham, a strapping country singer, proved that a guy with enough confidence, and enough southern drawl, can make anything sound sexy. I’m telling you, if I used this line, I’d never touch a girl again.
Jaw to the Floor Moment: Tyler Perry Appears
From Tyler Perry’s House of Pain to the Academy Awards — whew, what an upgrade for America’s favorite C-rate movie star. Give Perry credit: He came up with one of the night’s best lines. “They just said my name at the Oscars,” he said. “I better enjoy it, cause it’ll probably never happen again.”
Jaw through the Floor Moment: Sandra Bullock Wins Best Actress
This was a stunner. Like Frazier-Ali. Or the 1980 US Olympic hockey team. Sandra Bullock seems like an honest, humble, down-to-earth person, and I’m happy for her, but come on, The Blind Side? Really?
What’s so disappointing about Bullock’s win is that it seems to validate the notion that the Academy will award any movie that deals with adversity, no matter how cheap, calculated or corny the product. I mean, are these guys saps or what?
Most Excessive Gesture of Appreciation: Christoph Waltz
After winning best supporting actor for his role as the gleefully wicked Colonel Hans Landa in Inglorious Basterds, Waltz, an Austrian actor, lavished praise and thanks on the film’s director, Quentin Tarantino, calling him a “fearless explorer [who] took this ship across and brought it in with flying colors.”
As good as Waltz was in Inglorious Basterds, I will not excuse any further stoking of Mr. Tarantino’s ego. Great filmmaker, don’t get me wrong, but the guy thinks he’s the second coming of Homer, as far as raconteurs go.
It didn’t help that a visibly nervous Waltz was gripping his Oscar statuette with such vigor he appeared tormented by the very thought of Mr. Tarantino. It all seemed — pardon the facile analysis — vaguely homoerotic.
The Ten Minutes Least Relevant to the Awards Part of the Show That Could Have Been Spent Watching Local News, or Taking a Whiz, or Lying Face Down in the Snow: The Interpretive Dance Sequence
Don’t have to go into this too much: a bunch of dancers — and, admittedly, very good ones — performing interpretations of the music nominated for best score. It’s either your thing or it’s not, and in my case, it definitely was not. I mostly found myself wondering which brave soul on the Oscar production team was given the task of running this idea by James Cameron, and whether that person is still alive and breathing.
Best Moment and Most Deserved Win: Jeff Bridges
Because he’s the Dude. Come on, man.