Goodbye July, Uh-Oh August Is Here Horoscopes

Leo (July 22 — August 22): This week, you'll be feeling that sharp arrow that people always draw in hearts. Just pull it out in one swift motion and let the wound heal.

Virgo (August 23 — September 22): Lately, your brain has felt like an over-loaded power extension cord. Unplug the unnecessary and save some energy before you start a fire.

Libra (September 22 — October 22): Have your clothes been feeling snug this week? Just blame it on the material or the washing machine because there is no way you gained weight. (Right?).

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): This week, you'll realize how childish you are acting when you get excited by a Toys 'R' Us and shout at the driver to, "Stop the car, pretty, pretty please!?"

Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): You will look around you this week and recognize that nothing has changed. You will continue to be unaware of your surroundings.

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, you will forget to recycle. To punish yourself, you will wear a green t-shirt to convince everyone that you are actually "going green."

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): You might be ready to give up on love, but then you will hear the song "My Heart Will Go On" and you will be willing to stick it out for a little bit longer.

Pisces (February 19 — March 20): This week, you will have an intense craving for ice cream. Doesn't being married to an ice cream driver have its perks sometimes?

Aries (March 21 — April 19): After working non-stop this summer, you are actually looking forward to getting some nice shut-eye in class. Isn't that what class is for?

Taurus (April 20 — May 20): Lately, you feel like your place has been a bit cramped. Time to tell those squatters they have got to go.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20): Just when you thought you won the lottery, you find out that you are dyslexic. 

Cancer (June 21 — July 22): While the breakfast of champions might be Wheaties, you'll be sticking to frozen waffles this week. RLD