To prepare for his many roles, Daniel Day Lewis employs the techniques of method acting, immersing himself in real life situations in order to evoke the emotions of his character. If only he had been able to see his version of Nine before he began filming, he could have skipped any preparation he was planning. As audiences watch Italian film director Guido Contini (Lewis) struggle through a midlife identity crisis, viewers may find themselves stuck at the center of an identity crisis of their own as they attempt to figure out what sentiments this incoherent movie is trying to convey.

On paper, Nine looks like a promising film (a trap the Hollywood Foreign Press clearly fell into with their Golden Globe nominations). Before being translated to the silver screen, Nine was a Broadway musical that drew inspiration from Federico Fellini’s 8½, a loose autobiography of the director’s life. Winning a Tony for Best Musical following its release in 1982, the show was a great success.

Broadway sensations are often translated into box office gold, as musical fans flock to see their favorite songs on the big screen. Unfortunately, the show’s lesser-known score detracts from an overwhelming amount of excitement from moviegoers. To make up for the musical’s anonymity among the general public, Nine employed another well known Hollywood tactic: hire as many big names as you can. In Nine’s big screen embodiment, a star-studded cast surrounds Lewis, including Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Dame Judi Dench, Fergie, Kate Hudson, Marion Cotillard and the iconic Sophia Loren. Yet, even with big names, a big budget and a beautiful Venice backdrop, all of the high-quality ingredients produce a tasteless performance.

The film follows Contini, a 40-something living during the height of Italian cinema ‘60s, as he struggles to write the next great Italian movie. Production on said motion picture is set to begin, and the writer and director has nothing up his sleeve, especially after the failure of his previous cinematic endeavor. Surrounded by temptation and distraction in the form of beautiful women, the maestro is unable to keep his head above water as his marriage struggles alongside his career. Cutting from present day life to memories from Contini’s past, the film follows a disjointed trajectory that leaves its audience wondering what is real and what is in the writer’s somewhat crazy head.

While Lewis has mastered the Italian accent, his identity crisis is often overshadowed by his weakness for chasing tail. To top it off, Lewis’s voice cannot live up to the role he has been cast in. The actor tries to make up for his lack of vocal training with over exaggerated hand gestures and a wide variety of facial expressions. However, Lewis fails to fully embody the character that he is trying to portray throughout the film, as the fear invoked in his singing voice comes from a lack of confidence in this newly practiced talent.

Lewis is in good company, as a cast of actors rather than singers surrounds him. Nicole Kidman plays Claudia Nardi, Contini’s muse, and a representation of the perfect woman. As she sings to him about her need to be recognized as something real rather than objectified as a spirit of love, her performance in Moulin Rouge seems like a thing of the past. Kidman’s requests for an end to her objectification cannot be taken seriously since her performance can be likened to that of a porcelain doll. One too many Botox injections later, and this actress can no longer act, let alone sing.

In the end, the film falls flat. The audience is left confused, annoyed and disappointed by this unorganized film. If you are looking for the next great movie musical, keep on looking, because this isn’t it.