One more day of summer and we’re stuck in a half-drunk haze with no TV to watch. Time Warner is scheduled to come install cable and Internet at some distant future point but that doesn’t help much now. Here we are craving escape from our massive hangover but there’s no exit. We’re forced to stew in our criminal juices, to agonize in the painful and ugly effects of a week long boozefest. It’s a helpless feeling without television — nothing there to entertain us out of recognizing exactly how bad we feel.

But while we wait for the Goon Squad from Time Warner to come and give us the gift of television, we need to find a silver lining somewhere in this cloud. We can’t be bummed and bored and hungover all day everyday until Orientation Week ends. So it’s a bit optimistic, but here they are — The 5 Best Things About Not Having TV During Orientation Week.

1. We’re going to be nasty at Wii by the time this week’s over. Give a college kid six days with nothing to do but drink and play Wii and see what happens. Watching a post-Orientation Week Wii player will be like watching those competitive cup stacking freaks — it’s so mesmerizing but you can’t stop thinking about how all that expertise is so completely and utterly useless. That being said, I plan on playing Grand Slam Tennis until I either become competitive cup stacking-level good or I tear my rotator cuff.

2. We don’t have to torture ourselves by watching the new season of Entourage. It’s almost depressing how horribly bad that show has become. It’s like seeing that super hot girl from high school who now has a cocaine problem and looks gray and hungry and rank — you just can’t wrap your mind around how all that promise was so tragically squandered. What’s next? Are E and Ashlee Simpson going to go get their nails done together? Does Vince find God and shelve the partying and unprotected sex for good? Is Turtle just going to cry for the entire 30 minutes one episode? So many possibilities ...

3. We can go outside now. Let’s be honest, many of us haven’t seen daylight in months. With 12 different ESPNs, around-the-clock shouting matches on cable news and an I Love Money marathon on VH1, there’s really no reason to go outside anymore. This brief respite from television gives us a chance to … I don’t know … see trees, get sunburned … do whatever people do outside.

4. We have time to make the 30-minute drive out to Homer to go Bob’s BBQ. Bob’s is a roadside barbeque without fancy east coast amenities like waitresses or paved parking lots or roofs or teeth, but they do offer the meanest ribs I’ve ever eaten. These things were massive and tender and delicious. Amplifying that deliciousness was the fact that, as a vegetarian, I hadn’t eaten meat in weeks. It was like having sex after weeks of celibacy. Of course I drew the ire of my friends for “cheating” on my vegetarianism, but it was absolutely worth it. That’s the genius in being the world’s worst vegetarian; you can eat meat from time to time and still call yourself a herbivore. You can still turn down hot dogs at graduation parties and have people approvingly nod at your self-control but then you can turn around and order a nice juicy plate of ribs at Bob’s. Once you lose it you can always get it back.

5. We have an excuse to day drink. Orientation Week is a race against the clock. Schoolwork looms. Words like class participation, office hours and i-clicker start to creep into relevancy once again. Carefree times are coming to a close, there are only so many hours left, so why not spend each and every one of them drunk? There’s no shame in it. We work pretty damn hard during the school year and I’d say we deserve a little daylight drinking for our efforts, especially when there’s no televised anti-drug.